Bombshells
by FishyFloat
Summary: Mallory and Tanya take an explosive trip into the desert. Rating for language.


**AN:** This was a fun story to write. I pretty much wanted to explore how Tanya and Mallory interact without the other ducks around. Fun side note, some of their experiences traveling and camping are based on my own. There might be more to this, there might not be. Depends on if inspiration strikes again or not.

* * *

Mallory turned the Road Ranger into the gas station, thankful they finally found one. She and Tanya started out for their road trip early in the morning, long before even Wildwing was awake. She was used to the battery-assisted mileage on the Migrator and had forgotten just how terrible regular vehicles could be with fuel consumption. Too much longer and they might have had to walk or call for help.

"Thank the stars," Tanya leaned forward and unbuckled her seatbelt in anticipation. "I hope their bathrooms decent."

"Like they ever are this far out?" Mallory raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "I just hope they have one."

As soon as the tan vehicle stopped, Tanya ran for the ratty convenience store.

Mallory leaned on the car while waiting for the gas pump to finish. Once it turned itself off, she headed inside to find some snacks and something cold to drink. She stood in front of the cooler, debating what she wanted to drink when Tanya joined her. On a whim, she pulled open the door and snagged the closest Gatorade.

"Here." Mallory held out the sports drink with a smile. "Thought you might like this."

Tanya pulled a disgusted face and shook her head no.

"What? It's got to be better than that energy crap you tried to make!" She opened the cooler door and replaced the bright orange beverage.

"It wasn't, you know, _that_ bad," she muttered, fiddling with the cap of the tea she'd selected. "I, uh, brought the last of it with us."

"Wait." Mallory stared at her friend, horrified at what was being insinuated. "You didn't seriously try to make us drink something explosive. Did you?"

"Well," Tanya shrugged. "Under the right circumstances, it could have been."

"What right circumstances?" She paused, her hand resting on the bottled water she'd decided to buy.

"If I added nitroglycerin to it."

"Oooh…" Mallory's eyes lit up with interest while she closed the cooler door. "Did you?"

"No!" They walked back towards the counter. "I'm not some mad scientist."

"Could have fooled me." She set her water and nuts on the counter. "Get these for me? I'm going to hit the head."

"Yeah, yeah," Tanya waved her off.

Mallory held her breath and finished up in the sewage scented, half-lit bathroom as fast as possible. No wonder Tanya had been so fast. That place smelled worse than unwashed hockey gear! She debated washing her hands; the sink looked like washing them would make her dirtier if she even touched the faucet. Shuddering, she twisted the knob and hurridly washed her hands, gagging at the smell the whole time.

A brightly colored display next to the register caught her attention on the way out. Neatly arranged fireworks lay in a brilliant yellow box. She picked it up, inspecting the explosives. There seemed to be a pretty good variety.

The cashier backed away from her gleeful smile as she set the package on the counter. Moments later, Mallory was climbing back in the driver's seat of the Range Rover.

"Check out what I got." She held up the yellow box for Tanya to see, then stopped when she noticed the other duck holding the exact same package.

They wore twin smiles as the Range Rover once again headed into the desolate south west.

0000

Desert countryside passed by in a silent blur. They'd turned off the radio when they drove out of range of any stations and all they could get was static or barely heard talk radio. California had been left behind hours ago, as well as Arizona. She wasn't sure how far into New Mexico they'd made it; but, she did know the supposed eleven hour trip was going to be closer to the nine hours she'd predicted when talking Tanya into the mini vacation.

Mallory smirked as she glanced over at Tanya for a moment before returning her attention to the road. Tanya had fallen asleep, her head resting against the window. It was nice to see her literally letting her hair down for a change. The tech had pulled it back into a long ponytail rather than styling it straight up. Her glasses rested in a case in the glove box.

White smoke billowed from the hood of an old Volkswagen bus by the side of the road up ahead. Mallory slowed as she drove past. Spray paint covered the side, creating a crude ocean scene with wolves, lightning, and the words _Battle Van_ dripping in green across an orange tinted, starry sky. A teenage boy sat by the front wheel, one leg outstretched and his head thrown back while another boy walked in slow circles in front of the broken down vehicle with his hands on his head.

"Hunh?" Tanya lifted her head as she sensed the car slowing and then bumping along the sandy shoulder.

"We're stopping to help a couple of stranded kids." Mallory rolled down the windows before turning off the engine and unbuckling. No sense getting back into an oven if she could allow a little natural ventilation.

Tanya yawned and stretched before following. She didn't bother to retrieve her glasses but did grab her water bottle. Dry, hot air surrounded her as she left the air conditioning. It had to be at least a hundred degrees out, if not more.

"Holy shit," the boy who had been pacing mouthed as he saw the two ducks approaching. He quickly ran a hand through his shaggy, brown hair.

"Hey," Mallory greeted. "Broken down?"

"Oh, my god." The boy by the wheel scrambled to his feet in astonishment. "Andy, please tell me I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing."

"Giant ducks?" Andy pulled his sagging pants up from where the chains slung across the wide legs had pulled them down again.

"Yeah."

"Ducks?" Mallory looked around, pretending not to know what he was talking about. "Where?"

"Maybe you two need glasses," Tanya teased, her brown eyes clearly visible for a change.

"Dude, you're the Mighty Ducks!" Wheel-boy exclaimed, eyes wide. "This is so cool."

"Yes, we're two of the Mighty Ducks." Mallory crossed her arms and waited for them to get over their shock. She used to get annoyed at how star-struck many humans would get upon meeting one of them until she learned to just give them a few minutes to work through it.

"So, uh, what happened?" Tanya looked over the smoking engine to see what the problem might be.

"I'm Greg," Wheel-boy introduced himself. "And this is my bandmate, Andy."

"Mallory, Tanya." Mallory pointed to herself and then to Tanya. "Where are you two doing out here?"

"We were trying to get a gig in Albuquerque; but, I guess that's not happening now." Greg folded his arms and leaned against the front of the van before jumping forward as the steam from the engine blasted the back of his shirt.

"Need some help?" Tanya tried not to get in the way while Andy pretended to know what he was doing. One look at the engine and she knew exactly what happened. Earth technology was so simple, she'd have this fixed in under five minutes.

"I, uh, think I've got it covered." Andy leaned over the grill and started grabbing at parts, trying to twist them off and open things.

"I don't think that's what you want to do," Tanya warned as he tried to remove the oil cap.

"No?" He moved towards the battery.

"Nuh-uh." Tanya shook her head again.

"Um." Andy shrugged, at a loss for what could be causing the white smoke to billow from the engine.

Mallory leaned in on Andy's other side to take a look while Greg jumped back into the van. As soon as she reached for the radiator, Tanya smacked her hand away.

"I know we're heading to the desert to blow stuff up," Tanya scolded, "But I don't want to start with this."

"What?" Mallory glared at her. "How can me touching it make it explode? You're being paranoid."

"I know about the toaster oven," she pointed a finger at Mallory.

"Fine." Hands raised in surrender, she backed up. Damn. And here she'd thought she got away with that one. "I'll get the duct tape."

"Grab one of the water jugs too!"

Greg emerged from the back of the van with a Polaroid camera in hand. He started taking pictures of Mallory as she walked back to her vehicle and then Tanya and Andy working on fixing the van.

Mallory raised an unamused eyebrow as Greg lifted the camera and snapped another picture of her when she returned with the required items. She snatched the protruding photo before he could lower the camera and shook it to help it develop. Her own face began slowly appearing.

"Uh," Greg pulled a nervous smile in an attempt to avoid angering her.

"Not bad." She handed it back to him. The duct tape spun around her wrist like an over sized bracelet. She held her hand out for the rest of the photos, which he unquestioningly handed over. Mallory flipped through them, removing the ones of her backside and Tanya bending over the engine. "Well, look at that," she said as she studied one of the photos she kept, "I do have a great ass." That one was tucked into her back pocket, along with the three others she'd decided didn't need to end up on the internet or sold to some tabloid, and she returned the rest.

"Here," Mallory held the gallon jug of water out to Tanya.

"Just, put it on the ground." Tanya directed. She half smiled while watching Andy continue to try to figure out what the problem was.

"Hurry it up, will you?" Mallory set the roll of duct tape on top of the water jug. "I hate making camp in the dark."

"Yeah," Greg tried to start up a conversation, "The old Battle Van's had her share of issues; but, this is the first time she's stranded us like this. It's so cool of you to stop and help us! I'm practically dieing of thirst out here."

"You boys are lucky we were heading out this way," Mallory chided. "Don't you have any water or supplies?"

"Uh… No?" He scratched the back of his neck and gave her a lopsided smile. "We figured we'd pick up some stuff after the gig."

"Battle Van?" Tanya pulled a piece of tape off the roll.

"It's painted on the side!" Andy proudly jumped back from the engine and spread his arms wide to frame the spotty spray paint job.

"Uh," Tanya looked at it, glanced to Mallory, and shrugged. "If you say so." She went back to the engine and started tracing the radiator hose to find where the leak was.

"Dude, it's huge letters!" Greg stared at her. "How can you not see it? What are you, blind?"

"It's written in green on orange," Mallory clarified.

"Actually, yes," Tanya grunted as she stretched to reach the spot where the hose had cracked and wrap the tape around it.

"Want me to get your glasses?"

"Nah, I can see fine to do this. I don't have to, uh, worry about crossing, you know, wires on this type of engine."

"So, wait," Andy scratched his head while trying to wrap his head around the fact that a blind duck was working on his van. "You _are_ blind? Then how are you doing this? How do you play hockey?"

"I'm not blind, exactly. I'm deuteranopic."

"She can't see red or green," Mallory shook her head, annoyed at Tanya's excessive vocabulary. She could never say anything straight and always had to go for the biggest word possible. At least the tech wasn't overly excited or she'd have started verbally tripping over the scientific term before giving up.

"Wow, that's gotta suck." Greg started playing around with the camera again, hoping for more photos. "Do you think we could get a picture of the four of us?"

"Got it," Tanya smiled and leaned back. She'd somehow managed to smear black grease across the edge of her beak and her right hand was covered in filth from the engine. "We'll let it cool down a bit more before adding the water; but, that should take care of it."

Mallory returned to her vehicle and opened the back to find the cooler of snacks they'd brought. She retrieved two extra bottles of water and some granola bars. On a second thought, she grabbed a couple of bananas too.

"Here." She handed out the food while they moved to the shaded side of the van to wait. "Save the granola bars in case you break down again. I'd also recommend not drinking all of the water; not until you reach the next service station, at least."

"Ooh! Hang on!" Andy jumped up before accepting the offered food. He vanished into the back of the van and returned a moment later with two guitars. "We don't have any money or anything to thank you; but, we could totally play you a song." He handed off the second guitar to his friend.

"Ah, we don't need money," Tanya brushed off the offer. "We'd have stopped to help anyone."

"Well, almost anyone," Mallory joked. "I'd drive right past Nosedive and let him walk home."

"Liar." Tanya laughed, then returned her attention to the two teenagers they'd stopped to help. "We'd love to hear a song."

"Great!" Andy's eyes lit up. "This is one we've been working on for a while. It's not quite right; but, I think you ladies might like it. It's called _Army Boots._ "

They began playing a complicated introduction full of intricate riffs before Greg started screaming lyrics in the most gravelly voice he could manage.

" _I dream, I dream, I dream of army boots! Army boots!_

 _I dream, I dream, I dream of standing salutes!_

 _I dream of those long runs, oh so long runs, long runs,_

 _And those strapping, strapping military guns!_

 _I dream, I dream, I dream of army boots! Army boots!_

 _I dream of a military step. Stepping military dreams!_

 _I dream, I dream, I dream of these endless reps!_

 _Reps! Reps! Reps! Endless_ _… Reps!_

 _Reps! Reps! Reps! Endless_ _… Reps!_

 _Reps! Reps! Reps! Endless_ _… Reps!_

 _But most of all, I dream. I dream, I dream._

 _I dream of those hot, military chicks,_

 _So hot, military chicks,_

 _In a tight, tight, camo fit!_ "

Mallory struggled to hold in her laughter as the last notes died out. She tried biting her tongue and not looking at them, but the lyrics were just too ridiculous! Laughter snorted through her nose and she finally lost it. She got up and walked away, hoping she didn't offend them. The sound of Tanya clapping followed her around the van. After a moment to get a hold of herself, she returned.

Greg and Andy watched the redheaded duck coming towards them, her green eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Sorry," Mallory's apology tripped over the laughter that had taken hold. "You, uh, hahaha, you boys must have spent some time in the, hahaha, military. Right?"

"Uh, no," Greg set his guitar on the ground next to him. "My best friend's overseas right now. He's stationed in Germany with the army."

"Yeah," Andy nodded. "Steve's our drummer. _Loose Change_ just hasn't been the same without him."

"He wrote _Army Boots_ during boot camp." Greg crossed his legs and studied the ground.

"That puts a whole new perspective on the song." Mallory smiled at them. "I enlisted when I was seventeen."

"I, uh, think the engine's probably cooled off enough by now," Tanya broke in.

"Great!" Greg rocketed to his feet. "I'm about to die of heat stroke out here."

"Uh, well, don't, don't run the um, air conditioner until you get more coolant," Tanya stuttered, distracted by Mallory's amusement. "Drive with the windows down or you risk, uh, risk over heating the, uh, engine. Mallory! Knock it off!"

"Hahaha! I'm sorry!" Mallory started laughing all over again, one hand wrapped around her stomach. "That's got to be one of the best songs I've heard on this planet."

A quick inspection of the engine proved that it had cooled enough to safely add the water. Tanya poured it in while the boys watched.

"We'll follow you to the next station," Mallory promised.

"That is so awesome! Thanks!" Andy offered his hand for them both to shake. "You two are, like, so totally amazing."

"Well, you know," Tanya sniffed, "We try."

"Picture?" Greg tried one more time.

Giving in, Mallory and Tanya crowded in with them by the side of the van while Greg held out the camera and tried to aim it so all four of them would be visible in the photo. He took two Polaroids, one of which was handed over to his rescuers.

0000

"Uh… Where are we?" Tanya looked out the window at the miles upon miles of sand that stretched as far as they could see. Mountains could be seen far off in the distance.

"We're almost there." Mallory guided the all terrain vehicle across the smooth sand, unperturbed by the lack of a road. She grabbed a map from the console and held it out to Tanya. Hand written notes covered a corner of it, describing the way to her chosen camp site in the desert.

The setting sun cast long shadows across the sand dunes and scrub brush.

"And here we are!" Mallory stopped in a low valley that looked to be a dried up river bed. "If there was going to be any water, it'd be here. Doesn't look like it, though."

"Nah," Tanya agreed, "Not with the drought and all."

"Well," she placed her hands on her lower back and stretched, "Let's make camp. There should be a good area over there where we can set up the range tomorrow."

"Sounds good."

Mallory was impressed with Tanya's efficiency at helping set up camp. They'd decided to share a large tent rather than bring two smaller ones. After all, the less gear they had to haul around, the better. It wasn't long before everything was unloaded and set up.

"Uh, Tanya?" Mallory watched her walking around the camp, uncoiling a large rope. "What are you doing?"

"Snakes won't cross rope."

"I'm pretty sure that's a myth. Isn't it?"

Tanya shrugged and continued with her barrier.

"Even if it stops the snakes, what about the other things?"

"What other things?"

"Tarantulas? Scorpions? Coyotes?"

"Well, this will stop at least one problem!"

"Whatever. I'm hitting the sack."

0000

Sunlight barely peeked over the horizon when Mallory awoke to a huffing, snorting sound. She was used to Tanya's snoring; but, this was a much deeper, larger sounding noise.

"What?" Sitting up, she let the sleeping bag pool around her waist.

The whuffing sounded again, followed by a hoof fall. It was too dark to see any shadows outside the tent.

Mallory reached for the gun she'd left near her pillow and slipped the magazine into it. Quickly checking her boots for any nighttime invaders, she put them on and unzipped the tent as quietly as possible. Sticking her head outside the flap, she was greeted with a sight she'd never expected to see in the wild.

"Oh, my… Wow."

Three oryx walked through their camp, inspecting the parked Range Rover, pawing at the rope, and eating the scrub brush surrounding them. They were massive creatures with ribbed, curving horns nearly as long as a goal stick. Their tan coats stood out against the pearly white of the sands.

Mallory set the gun aside and pulled back into the tent.

"Tanya! Hey, Tanya." She shook her slumbering teammate. "Come on! Get up."

Tanya groaned and rolled over, pulling the sleeping back up.

Rolling her eyes, Mallory reached into the bag and placed her flat palm against Tanya's nostrils. After a moment, the tech's eyes opened and she sat up, glaring at Mallory.

"What?"

"You've got to see this." She pulled back the tent flap, only to jump back as a gigantic muzzle poked through. "Oh, no you don't. You're not coming in here." Mallory put her hand on the furry head and pushed the oryx back. "You are not about to rip up my new tent."

Tanya scrambled out of her sleeping bag and put on her boots.

Mallory exited the tent, pushing the oryx back as she did.

The beast took several steps backwards, putting distance between itself and the strange creature before it. It sniffed the air and watched the two ducks with mild curiosity.

"What is that?" Tanya asked, watching in amazement.

"I have no idea. You mean you don't know?"

"I haven't exactly studied all of Earth's wildlife."

"I don't remember seeing anything about these when I researched White Sands. General McClain didn't say anything either."

They watched the oryx for a while before the horse sized beasts suddenly turned and ran towards the mountains, black tails flowing in the wind.

"That was cool."

"Totally." Mallory agreed. "So, breakfast?"

"Sounds good to me."

0000

White sand flew high into the sky with a loud booming sound. Debris from one of Tanya's failed experiments rained down with the sand, peppering the pop up tent with another layer of pearly dust.

"Direct hit!" Mallory lowered the bazooka she'd fired and cheered.

"Haha! Yeah!" Tanya laughed too. "That's one automatic helmet cleaner that will never threaten us again."

"Why did you even think that was a good idea?"

"I dunno. Save time?"

"Whatever. What's the next target?"

"Hey, you got to blow that one up. This one's mine!"

"Fine." She set the bazooka down and waited while Tanya grabbed three bottles of the failed energy drink and a caddy containing jars of various chemicals. It was a good thing they'd brought the tent; otherwise, they'd be baking in the sun. Heat stroke wasn't something she wanted to experience. She took another drink of water and sat in one of the shaded camp chairs while waiting for Tanya to finish setting up.

Tanya jogged out a safe distance and opened the two liter bottles of glowing, green liquid. She dug a small hole in the sand for each bottle and added phosphorous to the bottom. After making sure there wasn't a trace of water or liquid on the outside, she painted a paste of blasting gelatin around the top half of the bottle and set them in the hole. When she was done, three, glowing green bottles stuck halfway out of the sand approximately twenty feet apart from each other. She laughed as she jogged back, anticipating the steaming reaction from the phosphorous and liquid combined with the explosion from the nitroglycerin laced gel.

"Let's see…" Tanya muttered to herself as she set the chemical kit in the shade and selected her weapon of choice from a table under the tent. She looked over the assortment of rifles, grenades, a machine gun, flame thrower, and the puck cannon she'd built a while back. There was also a saurian blaster they'd managed to swipe as well as her omnitool. "I think I'll try this one." She hefted the saurian blaster and pointed it towards the energy drink.

"Careful with that one," Mallory warned. She stepped next to Tanya to point out a few things. "I can't get the sight fixed on this one, so aim a little to the left of what you want to hit. The power core's a little wonky too, so keep the trigger down until it fires. And, for the love of DuCaine, make sure you manually move the trigger back after it fires! We don't need it randomly firing every time it charges."

"Okay, okay." Tanya verbally brushed off the warnings while making sure to follow the weapon master's directions. She pulled the red ear muffs into place. "Why do we even have this if it's so messed up?"

"Cause I stole it from Seige! You think I'm going to give it back?" Mallory did the same with her ear protection.

"Well," she lifted the blaster and aimed slightly to the left of a bottle, "I could take a look at it." Pressing the trigger, she made sure to keep it down until it fired. "Maybe improve it." An orange beam shot out, landing in the sand too far away from the bottle to do any damage. She took aim and tried again.

"Uh, no. I don't think so. We're destroying your failed inventions and improvements, remember? I don't want to add this to the pile!"

"What? I could fix it."

"No."

"Fine." She pulled the trigger again.

This time, the shot hit its mark and the bottle exploded in a spectacular rain of flaming, green snot. Each coagulated blob of energy drink fell from the sky in a glowing rain and continued to burn brightly when it hit the ground.

"Holy shit!" Mallory grabbed a grenade. "I've got to get one of those." She waited for Tanya to put the blaster down before taking a step forward.

"Hang on," Tanya cautioned. "I want to try something."

"Huh?" Disappointed at the delay, Mallory shifted her weight to one leg and crossed her arms. "What is it now?"

"I want to test out this new ice shield prototype. This one is twice as big as the one Wildwing uses now. I'm sure I can make it curve around like a, I dunno, a bubble, I guess, with the right modifications." She held out a wristband with a massive, circular device attached to it. "You wanna give it a go?"

"Hmmmm…" She considered the offer. Stand under something extremely hot and possibly dangerous to try out a new prototype or play it safe? "How much testing have you done on this?"

"Oh, tons. It's ready for a live test before we put it into action."

"Describe 'tons.'" This was her life on the line, after all.

"Missiles, lasers, blow torch, and fireworks. The test dummy wasn't even scratched."

"Good enough." She accepted the prototype and strapped it to her wrist, making sure to slip her hand through the triggering band that stretched across her palm. It was far too large for her; but, it had been designed for Wildwing, so that was to be expected.

Tanya pulled some safety pins from the first aid kit on the table and pinned the fabric tighter so it wouldn't slip around on Mallory's wrist.

Walking forward, Mallory pulled the pin from her grenade and hurled it at one of the remaining bottles. Instead of turning tail and running for safety, she took several steps back and activated the ice shield. A blue glow emerged from the heavy, golden orb strapped to her wrist, forming into a solid, freezing barrier in front of her.

The resulting explosion was the biggest yet, shooting into the sky like a flaming geyser before the glowing blobs of firefly beverage once more fell to the earth. Burning blobs bounced off the ice shield, leaving Mallory unharmed.

"Hah! Success!" Tanya threw a fist up in victory, satisfied that not every invention she'd brought out here was a total failure.

Beeping from a car horn interrupted their cheering.

"Huh?" Tanya turned around, the last bottle of explosive energy drink forgotten for the moment. She removed the ear muffs, knowing that neither of them would fire again until they figured out what was going on.

"I didn't think anyone else would be out this far." Mallory deactivated the shield, making a mental note to mention the heat it had generated against her unprotected arm later. It wasn't dangerously hot; but, it shouldn't have gotten that warm.

A camo painted jeep with a star and the words _U.S. Army_ underneath it pulled up behind them. Two gruff looking soldiers stepped out together, the passenger holding a M-4 carbine against his chest.

"What are you two doing out here?" The driver demanded, one hand on the holstered gun at his hip.

Mallory stepped forward and stopped when the rifle pointed at her.

"Lower your weapon," she ordered, glaring at the soldier. "We have a permit to be here."

"Identify yourselves," the driver's voice was harsh, allowing no room for argument.

"Sergeant First Class Mallory McMallard, Anaskin Special Forces." She refused to salute. While that would show respect, she had no intention of giving these oafs the impression that they could order her around. If she remembered American military insignia correctly, the patch on his uniform marked him as a sergeant as well, putting them on equal footing rank-wise. "And this is Tanya Vanderflock, engineering specialist for the Anaskin Resistance. Now, will you please lower your firearm?"

"Blackwell!" The sergeant turned to his trainee and barked at him, "Lower your weapon. What are you trying to do here, incite a shooting?"

"Sorry, Sgt. Mahony." Sunglasses and the chin strap under his helmet hid his expression.

After reprimanding his underling, Sgt. Mahony once again turned his attention to the ducks. "And what are a couple of aliens doing out in the desert with explosives?"

"Oh, you know," Tanya tried to play it cool. "Doing alien things— designing new anal probes and making a few crop circles."

"Tanya!" Mallory couldn't believe she was being so flippant towards two men who had just been pointing a gun at them. "We're disposing of faulty technology and failed inventions."

"Wait a minute." Private Blackwell looked around, confused. "Crop circles? There isn't any corn around here."

"That would explain why it's not working very well." Tanya picked up her omnitool from the table and slipped it onto her wrist.

"You're trespassing on government property. I'll have to confiscate everything. Please, come with us."

"No way." Eyes narrowed, Mallory refused to back down. "We're here under the personal invitation of General Doug McClain and have been authorized by both him and White Sands Missile Range. Our permit is in the holster hanging on my chair under the tent over there."

"I'm not aware of permits being granted to civilians." He crossed his arms, dark eyes narrowed. "You two remain where you are and I don't want to see either of you make a move towards those weapons. Private Blackwell, check out their papers."

Mallory stood tall, her arms loosely held at her sides. If he refused to accept their permit, she'd call General McClain and get this sorted out.

"Uh… Okay." Private Blackwell kept his rifle at hand instead of shouldering it. He made a wide circle around the alien ducks as he entered the tent, being careful not to get too close to either of them.

"Oh, please." Tanya rolled her eyes. "It's not like we have a reason to abduct either of you. We prefer cows for that."

Mallory remained motionless, despite her amusement at Tanya's snide comment. Since when had the tech become so flippant towards authority? It was almost like she was playing a game with them to see how many stereotypical alien references she could make.

"Yeah," the redhead decided to join in on the fun. "Cows tend to be a little more intelligent."

Pvt. Blackwell finally let go of his gun and allowed it to hang by its strap at his side as he dug through the bazooka holster slung across the back of Mallory's red camp chair. One hand stayed on the rifle as he jogged back to his commanding officer and handed over the papers.

"Hm." Sgt. Mahony ended the stare down with Mallory to take and examine the papers. His lips became a thin line as he read through the first page, flipped to the second, and scanned the third. He examined the packet twice more before folding it back up and holding it out. "General McClain has no authority here. He's retired and was never active duty at this base. My order still stands. Pack it up; these weapons and explosives are now property of the White Sands Missile Range."

"Bullshit." Mallory stepped into his personal space as she took the papers. "We have permission to be here. Not only from General McClain but from Colonel Frid, who happens to be in charge of White Sands. Call him up." She scanned the horizon for any signs of rising dust or the approach of backup. This guy would have to be an idiot to have confronted them without calling in backup. This situation needed to be resolved before they arrived.

"Like I said, we can discuss this back at base." He stared down at the duck, refusing to be intimidated by her.

"Argh!" Mallory threw her hands up and stepped away, pacing in a small circle. "Listen, bub." She wheeled on him, anger no longer hidden. "We have diplomatic immunity both here and in Canada. If we wanted to blow up your jeep, hogtie you two, and dress one of those freak bourica in your uniforms, we could!"

"Uh, Mallory," Tanya spoke up while punching buttons on her omnitool. "That sounds like, uh, fun and all; but, I uh—"

"Shut up, Tanya!" She was good and mad now. "You have our papers; you have the ability to call Colonel Frid. I suggest you get off your little power trip and start using your head before you really get yourself in trouble." Her venomous glare once more fixed on the private as she noticed him fumbling for his rifle. "Point that at us again and it's the last thing you'll ever hold with that hand."

"I can appreciate that you are upset; but, I'm going to need you to calm down, ma'am."

"That's not going to happen any time soon," Tanya muttered.

"I will when you start using that primate brain of yours. Does the monkey want a banana? Will that shut him up?"

"That is quite enough!" Sgt. Mahony pulled his sidearm and pointed it at Mallory. "On the ground. Now!"

"Uh, if you two would, maybe, listen to me?" Tanya broke in before Mallory did something rash. "I have Doug on the line." She held up her wrist, indicating her omnitool.

Mallory stared at the soldier, refusing to move. The sand had to be over a hundred degrees and she had no intention of laying down on it or giving this oaf the satisfaction of ordering her around. Besides, he hadn't even touched the safety; it wouldn't fire if he tried.

"What?" Sgt. Mahony snapped. "How?"

"I doubt you'd understand the technology." Tanya walked over to them and lifted her wrist up so the sergeant could hear General McClain. "Go ahead, General."

"What is this?" Sgt. Mahony glared at the silver device covering half of Tanya's forearm.

"This is General Doug McClain. Who am I speaking with?" His voice came through loud and clear, even if no picture showed on the communication device.

"Staff Sergeant Charles Mahony. Sir, no offense, but can you verify identity?"

"Soldier, even I'm not sure what kind of connection Tanya's whipped up here. If you would prefer, I can hang up, call my good friend Colonel Frid, and have him deal with you. Now, I happen to know Fred loves his Tuesday morning golf game. It'd be a real shame to have to interrupt him. We wouldn't want to do that, would we?"

"No, uh, no. I guess not." Sgt. Mahony frowned, unsure if he should believe him or not.

"Good. I would recommend you wish the ladies a nice day, get back in your jeep, and report their presence to your C.O. I'll go ahead and call base to let them know to expect you."

"Thank you, sir." The soldier reholstered his weapon and took a step back.

"That everything you needed, Tanya?" General McClain asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think so." She nodded, even though he couldn't see.

"Hey, Doug!" Mallory called out. "Having a nice day? How's Chip?"

"Fine, fine." His smile came through in the cheerful response. "We're hoping you and the rest of the ducks will stop by again some time soon."

"If the rest of the team can't, I'll be sure to. I'd love to show you my new Saurian blaster." She kept her eyes on the belligerent sergeant, smirking the whole time. "I'll call you when we're back in Anaheim."

"Sounds good. I'll see you two later." With that, the call ended.

Mallory and Tanya looked to Mahony, awaiting his reaction to the call.

"I'd be more comfortable if you two packed it up for the day until I check in with base. This may be the restricted area of White Sands, but plenty of tourists end up where they shouldn't be. I don't want to see anyone getting hurt."

"No wa—" Mallory's refusal was sharply cut off by Tanya.

"Of course." Tanya put her hand on Mallory's arm in an effort to calm her. "We can always set up again tomorrow and finish. Besides, it, uh, gives me a chance to mix a few more things together."

"Fine." Mallory gave in, fed up with everyone trying to foil her fun. At least they wouldn't be bothered tomorrow after this whole mess about their permit was cleaned up. She stormed over to the tent and began unloading ammunition from weapons and placing them in the cases she'd brought them in. Tanya picked up two of the now packed weapon's lockers and carried them to the Range Rover.

"Here," Private Blackwell offered, picking up the Saurian blaster. "Let me help." He lifted the alien weapon and studied it, curious about what it was and how it worked. His finger lightly brushed the trigger, subtly moving it into the activated position.

"Put that down," Mallory ordered. "You don't know anything about these weapons—"

The blaster went off, shooting Mallory's chair, instantly igniting it. The burning nylon fell over, landing on a case of ammunition.

"Shit!" Mallory grabbed her bazooka from the table before pulling the private away from the impending inferno. "Get down!" She raised the ice shield and held it aloft for protection. Just as they reached everyone, the crate exploded, setting off a chain reaction. The force of the blast pushed them forward and they huddled together while the tent went up in a deafening ball of flame.

Bits of smoldering fabric, metal, and debris from their equipment bounced off the ice shield. Mallory continued to hold it up, protecting the four of them, while silently cursing the heat building against her wrist. The moment the debris stopped flying, she deactivated the shield and ripped it from her arm, tearing the fabric from where the safety pins held it in place.

"Damn." Private Blackwell stared at the charred ground where everything had been. Bits and pieces of smoldering tent, twisted metal, and melted weapons lay scattered about. Only the single bottle of explosive energy drink remained untouched.

"Argh!" Mallory threw the defective ice shield at Tanya and rounded on Private Blackwell. "What kind of moron are you? Don't you know basic firearm safety? If you don't know what it is, don't touch it!"

"Now, hold on!" Sgt. Mahony tried to break in.

"You are the most pathetic, ignorant excuse for a soldier I've ever seen." She stepped right up to the private, beak inches from his nose, and jabbed him in the chest with one finger. "You fucking, olka-ridden bender! I ought to pluck you bare and make you stand naked salutes in a snowbank!"

"Okay, Mallory," Tanya put a hand on her shoulder and tried to pull the irate soldier back. "Let's get out of here." She gave up when Mallory pulled away and continued unleashing her fury.

"I didn't ask you to eat a bushel of apples and shit a fruit salad! All I needed was for you fucktards to leave our gear alone so we could pack! You're so incompetent, I'm surprised you can even breathe oxygen!"

"That's enough!" Sgt. Mahony raised his voice over Mallory's tirade, giving her pause. "I appreciate that you were a drill instructor at some point; but, I will _not_ have you abuse one of my soldiers."

"You think I was a DI? HAH!" Mallory turned her attention to the much larger soldier, redirecting her furor at him. "You have no idea what ASF DIs are like. They make your pathetic ass look like boy scouts!"

"Stand down!" He tried to gain control of the situation and failed miserably.

"If you had just stood down and left us alone, none of this would have happened! We're not the morons here."

"Oh, boy." Tanya put one hand to her temple and shook her head. This was going to take a while. She'd only ever seen Mallory this upset once before. Rather than risk Mallory venting at her, she walked away from the arguing soldiers to inspect the damage.

They were lucky Mallory had insisted on moving the Range Rover a safe distance from the tent they'd set up, otherwise they'd be stranded or at the mercy of the US Army. Judging by the way they acted, that wouldn't be a good thing. While Mallory's descriptions of their IQs might not be the kindest, they weren't far off.

She picked up a circuit board from one of her failed inventions and turned it over. The once rectangular piece had melted into an almost indistinguishable blob. Disappointed that she hadn't been the one to destroy it, she tossed it aside.

"I'll climb so far up your ass I'll destroy you from the inside!"

Tanya snorted as she tried to hold in her laughter. It was never smart to laugh at Mallory when she was that pissed off, no matter how funny her tirades became.

"I don't care what you think! You destroyed our personal equipment! Do you have any idea what it took to get that that Saurian blaster? It'd be easier for you to grow a brain than to try replacing it!"

Mallory grabbed Mahony's sidearm from its holster and, in one swift motion, flicked off the safety and fired at the remaining bottle, aiming without thinking about it. The final explosion was pitiful compared to what they'd just experienced.

"Tanya!" Mallory shoved the gun into her waistband and stormed towards the Range Rover. "Let's get out of here."

"Hey!" Sgt. Mahony spluttered, shocked at just how smoothly she'd managed to disarm him. "Give that back!"

"Fuck off." Mallory climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Uh, where are we going?" Tanya joined her, hurriedly buckling her seatbelt.

"Roswell! We might actually get some respect there!"


End file.
